Unified Parenting- Don't Tell....




Most people find this video hysterical.

I find it disturbing.
When I saw this it reminded me of a parent on the sidelines of my son's football field who I overheard tell their daughter,

"Don't tell mom".

Maybe I'm old fashioned, or from another planet, 
but I don't think this is a good idea.

Why not? 
'It's harmless' you say?

Well, I guess if no one gets harmed in the process, I suppose we'd have to assume it really is
No Big Deal, right?

Wrong.

Saying this one sentence to your kids (whether you are parenting in the same household or not) sends the wrong message. It teaches your child that secret keeping is fine. It tells them that bending the rules, being dishonest, and going behind someone's back is easy and acceptable. It teaches kids to avoid confrontation (whether it be with a spouse or a parent). Simply put, it promotes avoiding communication and honesty.)

Not only does it send mixed signals on teaching right and wrong,
 which kids should be learning at a young age,

IT CAN ALSO BACKFIRE!

Picture This:
-The party you told your teenager he couldn't go to? He's going, and won't be telling you.
-The no-sex-before-marriage discussion? Out the window-she just won't tell you.
-When she wants to borrow the car to hit the mall, but you say 'No, go only to the library'? 
They're at the mall...
they won't be telling you and they'll bring back a pile of books to make it look good.

Not to mention, the arguments of, "MOM (or DAD) LETS ME!"

And...
aren't just old sayings.


Successful parenting begins with solid boundaries and if those boundaries are constantly changing, kids never really learn the things they should. Nor do they understand that no means no and yes means yes.
Whether or not you are parenting your children together in the same house or not, the most important thing you can do as parents is to be unified in your discipline, habits and communication. 

 Never (if you can help it) tell your child 'Don't tell Mom (or Dad)', unless it is a genuine surprise or gift.


Open lines of communication between children and parents is key to a healthy childhood and upbringing, so the next time you feel like doing something you don't want your spouse to know about, save your child the confusion and do it without them around, or... find the courage to discuss what you want with your spouse.

(A special note of warning: With very small children there is another very important thing to be aware of. In the world of sex-offenders, the most common request from the perpetrator is, "Don't tell your mom or dad'. So, it's just another reason not to teach young children to keep secrets from their own parents, since it confuses them to believe it's okay. And, we all know, that this is one type of secret we never want a child to keep from us.)






Popular posts from this blog

Back to School Anxiety: Bullying

Image
Download “School Boy Being Stressed” by David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net I recently wrote about how to help your child if they’re struggling with going back to school because they were bullied. My biggest most important tip was to listen, because I honestly could not write a ‘How-to-make-them-not-afraid’ column. Frankly I thought that was absurd. Fear is sometimes real. Anxiety is sometimes truly there, and for a good reason. Our job as parents isn’t to try to make it go away, it’s to try to find out the true source of those worrisome feelings. If you’d like to read more, click here. And if you’re child is struggling to find excitement about the new school year, don’t deny it, just accept it and move forward gently. Here’s some more on bullying: Family Matters Links: A Touching Story/Song Bullying: A thing of the past A Peace Poem By My Teenage Daughter A Deeper Insight into My Thoughts on People Who Bring Harm to Others Other Links: Stop Bul
Read more

Would You Rather?

Image
My kids like to play a game called ‘Would You Rather?’. I’ve always liked getting in on the fun because they usually freak out when it’s my turn to ask, ‘Would you rather?’. I will ask, ‘Would you rather…have to go to school for 365 days a year, or go without television forever?’  Or when I say, ‘Would you rather eat broccoli at every meal, or spinach?’. It’s fun to watch them squirm. Now here is one for parent’s. School shopping is finally coming to a halt (thank goodness) and there are a few items on the market that I want you to see (if you haven’t already gasped at them yourself). They are: JCPenney’s (recently controversial) Shirt for Girls: JCPenney And the 'Eye Candy' (yes, it says Eye Candy on it-actually ALL over it) notebook that I hear no one talking about and which is selling at Walmart: So, hear it goes…. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Antie….etc….. 'Would you rather ' have your teen (or younger) daughter wear the ‘too pretty for math’ shirt?        O
Read more

Good Customer Service At Home

Image
Over the years, my careers have mainly been customer service based. I started in a family business and then moved on up through the rungs from waitress, to hostess, to sales associate, manager and eventually the GM of a hotel. In all my years, my training taught me that you should always do your best to take your customer all the way to what they need, make them happy, and never leave them until they are done with you. I pride myself on my customer service abilities. Though the other day, I think I failed at customer service in my own home! I was getting ready to cut my daughter's hair and because of how long it had gotten (she's been growing it out for a year!) I felt this time it would be best  if instead of me spritzing it with water, she could wash and condition it real quick. She was fully clothed so I just suggested she run into the bathroom and wash her hair in the tub. She’s fourteen. I suppose I just assumed that she knew how to kneel over the tub and do it.
Read more