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I found that tough love was originated (and often still
is related to) parents of teens on drugs. I also read some very negative
thoughts and views on tough love based on what people thought it was (or heard
other's refer to it as).
Allow me to clarify tough love in the context which I was taught:
Tough Love is NOT:
Isolating, Humiliating, Hurting,
Beating, Abusing, Alienating, Insulting, Embarrassing
as a form of discipline.
(I once knew someone who changed
their home answering machine to say, "Angela is grounded for X,Y, Z and
will NOT be taking any calls for an entire month).
This not okay to do...It's humiliating enough to
get into trouble, it doesn't need to be announced to telemarketers, the Dr.'s
office, classmates or anyone else.
Tough Love IS:
Revoking privileges
Giving a punishment which fits
the crime
Disciplining with love and
explanation
Sticking to our guns and following through when it
comes to setting appropriate punishments and time frames (this is about
consistency and avoiding our children learning loopholes).
Kids need few things to survive:
Food, Water, Love, Shelter and
Acceptance.
Your child will not die if they
don't:
Make it to baseball
practice
Sleep over Jack's house on
Saturday or
Go to Suzies Birthday Party
Friday night
BUT THEY WILL DO A DARN
GOOD JOB OF CONVINCING YOU IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.
Don't fall for it.
Choose tough love over letting
them slide...for their own good.
Read February's Family Matters Column about How I Use Tough Love at Home