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| This Photo should have a sad face but it represents 1 pt V-Day, 1 pt child...and maybe a sliver of hope. |
If you are visiting for the first time, this is Part II of a very emotionally motivated column. I don’t often write out of my flared emotions. I tend to instead, write out of logic, common sense, education and experience. I write about what readers might want to hear and need to feel (comfort, suggestion). Instead, this time my writing is based off of raw emotion; I did not write this quickly or without thought though.
After you’re done reading this, I invite you to please come
back later, even if this wasn’t your favorite publication from us. Family
Matters with Amber strives to be a super positive, uplifting, happy, friendly
funny place to go. Our goal is to encourage readers and their families. We
still will, through thick and thin, through heartbreak and tragedy, try to
inspire, but we’re just not feelin’ super happy lately. No
surprise, right? Kinda hard after what’s happened.
If you are visiting us from our News-Herald Ohio newspaper
publication Pt. I of this story, thank you. You are affected too and we know
this. We know you want better, and however we get there, we want to prove to our
children that they are safe…we want to also believe that ourselves when we say
it. We want help doing this…I get it, I understand…
For County Kids March issue I wrote a fun column about being
a mom and how I know my kids love me, even through my misforgivings and after
all the years of imperfection. It was a great column! Sadly, it meant nothing after February 14th.
PT I: . It
started out as a typical day…except it wouldn’t end that way. I arrived home
after work to greet my kids wanting to catch up with them. All the while I knew
there might be an elephant in the room but hoped they were lucky enough to have
gone through their whole day not knowing yet. (How naive was I?) I vowed to
keep quiet about the news headlines and the reality of another school shooting.
I just couldn’t bring myself to admit such a horrific event once again…or make
them fearful. I don’t know if I was right to avoid the conversation or not, but
I just wasn’t capable of going there again. It was short lived. My son greeted
me, remote in hand (usually he’s reading a book after school, but not that
day). He casually but solemnly pointed towards the tv, announcing, “I wanted to
see which events were on the Olympics tonight…and well…I saw this…”. My heart stopped (and it
actually ached). His thirteen-year-old innocent (but not so innocent) face
stared at me…in disbelief, but not shock. Me. The same. But add a feeling of
defeat. We aren’t surprised!? This is my
reality as a parent in America, and this…is just…another commonplace
conversation at home with my kids. I’m sickened. I’m P!$$&@!
Pt II:
In theory we are supposed to be the ’land of the free, home
of the brave’. On one hand, it’s liberating for my children. But not. It’s
joyful for America, but not. Celebratory for our advancements, but not. It just
seems that we are constantly fighting this battle to actually be free and
brave. It’s more like terrorized and angry. We are parenting in a different
time from when we grew up and it’s extremely confusing (and enraging). Times
have changed…
Oh they’ve changed all right. We need cell phones to stay
connected, but rarely use them to talk on… We worry about what we say to others
and then in emotional moments we don’t give a hoot about what we say (or how
the other feels). We care about our people, but people in power won’t face our
problems (which could save people). We want peace, so we strike out bullying,
but heads of our nation cannot get along for even a second to prove how
important human life really is, never mind compromise. What has happened to our
America? With power comes responsibility. Who has the power, and who wants the
responsibility? I can’t tell. All I know is this…No matter what is going on in
the world, I have a job to do, and it’s to focus on my children and their
health and well-being…and I’m going to still do it, no matter what it takes.
Thinking back to times when I was little, there were
problems then too. My grandmother was sure to give me the talk on the way out
the door every morning before school. You see, I was a ‘walker’ and she always
worried about child molesters and kidnappers (one in the same I’d come to
realize as an adult): “Don’t stop, don’t talk to strangers, don’t walk too
close to parked vehicles; they could steal you”. As I parent now I tell my kids
to yell loudly “you aren’t my mom, what’s the password” and run like hell”. My
dad gave me the drugs talk as preteen, “Just because your friends are doing it,
doesn’t mean you have to”…got it, thanks Dad, I’m not that type of person, but
thanks. There were thefts, arsonists and there were murders, and it was
sometimes close to home. My best friend lived a quarter mile from where Michael
Ross dumped one of his victim’s bodies; I lived about 2 miles from there. I
think Jeffery Dahmer killed someone one just a town away from my current home. Times
are different, aren’t they… No, actually they aren’t. There are still cops, robbers, car chases,
drugs, child molesters...I can’t recall there ever being a perfect time or era in
the world when there was ever a lack of crime or violence or war. Was there ever world peace? Every
president so far, to my knowledge, has failed to be successful in some way, or
at least has been ridiculed and blamed for everything that has happened
negatively in his term.
As I mentioned the fun upbeat column I had prepared, I had to immediately contemplate changing the
topic for March, even though I was all prepared and ready for submission. I decided
to ask my kids their opinion. I sort of tried to avoid the conversation of
Miami initially, but not because I don’t care, but because it’s an every week occurrence
now that we hear of these awful acts of violence. I just feel like if it’s
depressing to me as a parent, how do they feel as a kid? I will tell you that
they weren’t 100% sold on my topic switch. When I asked why, one of them said society
might be turned off and tired of it if I was to revisit the Miami school
shooting. I mean it’s everywhere, all over radio, tv, news especially, now inside
homes, hearts and classrooms. I asked if they thought that some people are
desensitized or maybe they felt like they learned from this type of devastation
already and wouldn’t want to hear it again. They said they both were possibly
true. I agree with them. If I don’t talk about it, I’m avoiding it. If we look
at the grandma down south who stopped her grandson from murdering schoolmates after
the Valentine’s Day murders, then we can see we are learning.
While I (and many parents I bet) would like to side with my
kids “This is out of control”. That’s the thing. We haven’t done it since
Columbine, but we have to believe we can! Like many dysfunctions at home, in society
and around the world, talking about it is where it starts. I’m feeling that
this most recent intended-act-of-violence in Miami shows us that we have
reached a point, a point where we are going to need many, many more people
involved to fix things in America. Our problems are never going to be about one
person, political figure or party, or perpetrator... as we are seeing…it’s
going to be about the village.
In the face of times like these, we must keep moving on with
the goal of parenting; working to make the world a better place for our
children in our own homes first, and do our best to care for, nurture and
encourage the children of society. The truth is, if we give up, they’ll give
up. Crime will always will out there, drugs will always exist. But no matter
what is happening in the world, we must not quit doing our best to learn from
everything…from mistakes, from loss, and keep seeking solutions.
As I was winding down this piece the week I originally wrote
it, I was watching the 2018 Winter Olympics and was hearing the song “Imagine”
by John Lennon begin. It brought tears to my eyes, it’s one of my favorites,
but it also brought a deeply embedded passion to help make a difference. And
that feeling is when we don’t close our doors on the violence, fear, hurt and
tragedy, but we actually walk out there and face it with our children and be the
change we want to see in the world. Those students in Miami are the example.
Please pray with Family Matters with Amber for a positive
revelation and movement in America going forward…and for strength, healing and hope for those affected in Miami and the
rest of the nation.
https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/how-to-talks-to-kids-about-school-shootings