Skip to main content

My Teens Cell Phone

My oldest daughter had a cell phone when she was 11 ½ years old. 

Notice I said had?
(I will get to that part in a minute.)

I gave her a phone because back then she was visiting her father, in a different state, for several weeks at a time. They didn't have a land line at the house, so she couldn’t always reach me, and vice/versa. 

Some might think this is too young to have a cell phone no matter what the circumstance. 
I think maybe it would be too, except she was a responsible kid, not overly social and was quite studious. 

I had no qualms with doing it.

A year and a half later, she is now thirteen, and I have periodically checked into her messages with and without her knowledge; all was well.

Except one night when during one of my routine drop-ins, I found a couple of her texts to include a some swear words with slang mixed in.

That’s not my daughter. At least not at home. 

I had never heard her use swears. Goodness!  She rein’s in my slips! 

As for slang, she really doesn’t go that route either. She’s usually pretty proper, besides being a comedian sometimes…

I was shocked.

So, how’s a mom to handle this; a teen behaving quite different from her true self?

Do I say: ‘Oh.. teens are teens. They’re going to swear, use bad language, etc., or do I speak to her about it? Tell her how I feel and give her a lecture then ground her? 

All emotion aside, I decided to just take the phone away.

I justified it like this: ‘I am not paying for her to talk like trash to her friends; or anyone else for that matter.'

And that's all I said when I took it.

I gave no explanation if, or when, she would ever get it back.

That was three months ago.

Is she lost without it? 
Has she disowned me?
Does she hate me?
Is she a witch? 

Nope. To all of the above.

She is actually more social at home, more patient with her siblings, and is excelling at school again.
Like I mentioned, she had been a good student , but she is an even better one now. 

Why did I take the phone away so abruptly and without a second chance over something like this?

Because, I teach my kids right from wrong and know they are clear on respectful vs. disrespectful behavior. And though I found her attitude slightly off on occasion, I never took the phone away, but it was when I found a text message that included foul language is when she was done with the cell phone period.

I teach my children that they have freedoms I will give them. Though once misused or abused, they are taken away.

Freedom is earned. Such is life.

If you misbehave you pay the consequences.

There is a key to this whole situation. 

I did not tell her exactly what will make her lose the phone.

Why wouldn't I tell her? 

Because, it’s easy to erase a foul-mouth text. If I sat there and listed all of the things that if she did them, she would lose her phone for, she would be sure to HIDE every single one of them.

 So there are Obvious Rules:
  1.  No talking on it while walking to and from the bus 
  2.   No using it at school (it’s school’s rule anyhow)
  3.  Not while babysitting
  4.  Not until after homework, chores, etc..
  5. Not at dinner (and if I even heard it, I take it away)
  6. Not after a certain time on weekday evenings (unless she was calling home to say goodnight while at her dads)
Then, there are other rules which only I know and when she crosses that line and breaks one of them we face the consequence.

Cell phones are a privilege.  And sadly we sometimes we view them as a necessity.
Parents shouldn’t fall into that trap. Come on, we’ve all been there before….what did we ever do before cell phones? 

I think she’s fine without it.….gauging by her most recent confession:
‘Mom...I kind of like not having a cell phone; it’s less of a distraction.’


Teen - Cell   = Familytime! <3


Truly,
Amber



Popular posts from this blog

Back to School Anxiety: Bullying

Download “School Boy Being Stressed” by David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net I recently wrote about how to help your child if they’re struggling with going back to school because they were bullied. My biggest most important tip was to listen, because I honestly could not write a ‘How-to-make-them-not-afraid’ column. Frankly I thought that was absurd. Fear is sometimes real. Anxiety is sometimes truly there, and for a good reason. Our job as parents isn’t to try to make it go away, it’s to try to find out the true source of those worrisome feelings. If you’d like to read more, click here. And if you’re child is struggling to find excitement about the new school year, don’t deny it, just accept it and move forward gently. Here’s some more on bullying: Family Matters Links: A Touching Story/Song Bullying: A thing of the past A Peace Poem By My Teenage Daughter A Deeper Insight into My Thoughts on People Who Bring Harm to Others Other Links: Stop Bul

Green Punch Buggy....!!!!

Green Punch Buggy...No Punch Back! As I was writing this blog post, my son came to me showing off his Lego creation. And don't you know I got hit at least five times since on my computer screen was displaying at least five different punch buggies, of five different colors thanks to Google Images. (Bad timing I'm thinking...) How can we possibly have world peace with these silly cars in the world!? ;) Don't the owners of these cute-but-obnoxious-cars understand that driving these things around town promotes violence!? ;) Anyhow.... The original purpose of this blog was to ask parents everywhere this question: Do you find yourself saying 'PUNCH BUGGY *BLANK-COLOR*! '  to yourself, even when the kids are not in the car??? I do! Isn't it funny how those games we used to play as a child are still around? I bet our parents say the same thing.... HAPPY FRIIIIIIDAAAAYYYY! P.S. I got hit at least ten more times, since as my son stood beside

Good Customer Service At Home

Over the years, my careers have mainly been customer service based. I started in a family business and then moved on up through the rungs from waitress, to hostess, to sales associate, manager and eventually the GM of a hotel. In all my years, my training taught me that you should always do your best to take your customer all the way to what they need, make them happy, and never leave them until they are done with you. I pride myself on my customer service abilities. Though the other day, I think I failed at customer service in my own home! I was getting ready to cut my daughter's hair and because of how long it had gotten (she's been growing it out for a year!) I felt this time it would be best  if instead of me spritzing it with water, she could wash and condition it real quick. She was fully clothed so I just suggested she run into the bathroom and wash her hair in the tub. She’s fourteen. I suppose I just assumed that she knew how to kneel over the tub and do it.