For ideas on how to teach gratitude at home check out my
Originally published in my November Column.
The biggest complaint I hear from people who don’t have
children is that ‘Kids now-a-days are unappreciative’. I hate that. When someone
groups all adolescents together as if the current generation is solely made up
of those they’ve come in contact with negatively, or read about in the
newspapers and online (also negatively).
There are plenty of families (you’re probably one of them)
doing the best they can to raise their kids with good habits and behavior. That
said, we’re fighting the tide. We know it’s a selfie-generation. We also know there
are plenty of two-working-parent households (and plenty of divorced ones) who just
want the best for their kids. Translation: “I want you to have what I never had
and I’m also going to throw in whatever else I can to make up for anything I
might lack along the way”. Okay, this isn’t bad. It sounds bad, and I know parents
are judged for it all the time, but while it can certainly produce entitled children
and worse behaving adults, it is a sign that parents truly do love their kids.
And that my friends, is a good thing! But
back to that problem-over-time-thing. That will become an issue. But guess what? There’s a revere button!
Thanksgiving. We learned it’s about giving, taking, sharing,
and celebrating by showing appreciation. We all know a kid (maybe even our own)
who begs, pleads and does their best to convince us they ‘need’ something they don’t.
They might forget their manners or
they don’t ask permission to borrow something from a family member. Maybe they
completely ignore a deserved thank you that should have accompanied a good deed
done for them. I don’t know about you, but I think my kids lack manners and
appreciation most when it’s against their siblings. My 13-year-old MC (middle
child) put it like this once: ‘It’s just that they [siblings] will always be
there, and well, I guess, it’s just that I know they always will be’. Ouch.
Obviously, my middle child has never been married, but you might think so after
hearing this statement. Isn’t she right though? Hardest sometimes to show
appreciation for those who are always there. None of this means the child (or
your spouse) is a brat, spoiled or selfish. It just makes ‘em human. So how do
we teach appreciation in the current world, where so much is about
me-self-I-buy and get?
The ‘Thanks & Giving Project’ is a way of getting families
(including my own) to appreciate what they have, recognize what they’re
grateful for, and find opportunities to make others feel good (even complete
strangers). Parents, it’s not just kids who need reminding. When someone opens
a door for you, do you say thank you and hold it open for the person behind
you? It’s one of the simplest gestures; men and women refer to it as chivalry
if a man does it. I call it courtesy (and we should all do it). Thanksgiving. Receiving, appreciating, giving back.
It’s a positive cycle we could stand to have more of, in general, not just in youth society. If you’re married and have
never done ‘The Love Dare’, I really challenge you to give this project some
thought.
Here’s how it works: Every five days, beginning on the first
day of November, you will have something to accomplish. The first task will be
carried daily throughout the month, and then there are a few other things you
should do during November. It all ends (if
you want it to) on November 30th.
Here we go:
11/1: The B.A.G. Journal. I learned
this at a work conference many years ago. It works! Make a list daily of these
things: Blessings, Goals and Accomplishments. If you forget a day, no big deal,
do it before bed or on the next morning (some people do it twice a day, once in
the morning and once at night, but start small). If you already do this at
home, open it up to dinner discussion to learn about the members of your
family.
11/5: Give one
thing away for the month of November. Allow the person to give it back
to you on Thanksgiving. Not begrudgingly, and allow them free use of it.
11/10: Celebrate with someone in the family
over an achievement. Give them a card or flowers, make them a treat or
craft, you might want to offer them a foot massage (that last one is popular
with moms).
11/15: Give away something of yours permanently
to someone less fortunate.
11/20: Buy someone something with money you
earned doing work. (Excellent for siblings-watch how some will hate to
do this.)
11/25: Make someone a
meal or a dish: Just something to eat even if it’s just cheese and crackers
or a bowl of ice cream. Waiting on someone with a cup of coffee or glass of
milk is the same as making a meal because it’s such a nice gesture (so
small-but so big to the person receiving it). The timing of this task might
encourage you to call your local church to see if you can help cook and donate
a meal, invite a neighbor, single or elderly person, into your home for the
holidays.
11/30: As a family,
take out a blank sheet of paper and write out what you would do with a million
dollars (cannot be spend on yourself). Would you donate to a charity? Would
you help someone you know? How much of it would you give? Now write out what you would do if you were
given $100.00 of it back.
Sometime during
the course of the month:
Volunteer somewhere.
Do someone’s last fall law mowing, help with someone’s grocery shopping, call a
local center that serves people, or even animals, in the community. There are
plenty of them. Call 211 if you aren’t sure. How about cleaning someone’s house
or helping out a teacher after school to grade papers or prepare for class
project?
Trade places with someone
at home for a weekend or a day (swap chores). Kids could swap with mom and
dad. We always think we have it hard until we live in someone else’s shoes.
Remember the show Wfe Swap, back in the late 90’s? That show proved how each
family member lived in a bubble (their own life/household) never seeing
another’s. But appreciating theirs when everything went back to normal after
mom came home.
Send 3 Thank You
cards in November. These could be to a parent for all the FREE taxiing, a
child for being a good helper, or just for someone being themselves and special
to you, it could also be a teacher, coworker or friend. Ideally, someone who
most likely doesn’t get much praise or appreciation.
Send 1 note to cheer
someone up. It might be a neighbor with plaguing problems (whether bad
luck, ill decision making or constant health struggles) we all need to be lifted up, a person who had surgery, a teen going
through puberty. (Come on, puberty is serious stuff! Hint: I’d leave out the word ‘puberty’.)
I read once, in Randy Paush’s “Last Lecture”, ‘it’s just a thing’. He
was, of course, referring to his new VW Rabbit, while pouring a can of orange
soda on his new white seats just prior to taking his niece and nephew out in
it. His example for living, and treating others, is a lesson to be admired and
respected. At the end of the night his nephew would vomit in the backseat. And
it wouldn’t matter…to anyone.