Pt. III What Causes Random Acts of Violence: A Crusade for Answers and Solutions (Column Related)


“Family In Country Trip” by Vlado via freedigital photos.net



This is just another Q&A...
With the Question being: Why did this happen? 
The answer being (once again) elusive.

We are just little people-living in our little worlds-going about our normal, little lives…But when major random acts of violence (RAV) hit our home town, that’s when we become BIG NEWS. Bigger than elections, bigger than diseases, bigger than legalizing pot, or illegalizing abortions and legalizing gay marriages. 

 RAV only seem big when they happen. Then whoever is involved (or nearby) become part of the focus and possible problem and soon after communities move on and most people put it behind them.  What is it about these senseless and tragic events that leave them off the radar until they happen? What is the plan for prevention? Why aren’t we talking about this more? Does anyone know the solution? 
(Maybe that’s why it keeps happening and we just keep moving forward avoiding the conversation.) 


Who is working on it? And how many more people and organizations should be? 
I suppose someone is, because here is the link to an FBI study that I mentioned , in my November column (Pg. 4) . The FBI did this study for different reasons: more so they stated, so they could find out how to better serve in instances like this, but quite it’s still a frank and upsetting perspective. 

That is merely a study (and not a solution, or way to prevent these types of things from happening). And that seems to be the case quite often. We can track it, report on it, but can’t we stop or prevent it?

This month, I’m going to keep this dialogue (and the following questions) open for discussion. 
I will point out some places I think we should and could start, and strongly encourage feedback. Your options are to comment here, or email me at familymatterswithamber@gmail.com 
and I will copy/paste your feedback (anonymous or not- you decide) into the posts.


 Some conversation starters regarding our role in prevention at home & in our community:
  • Are we speaking with love to and about others, taking turns at stop signs, holding doors for one another? Are we saying what we need to so we get what we want/need but counting to ten before we speak? Are we finding gratitude for our situations? How about speaking to people with respect and kindness? Are we hugging? Do we know how to empathize over judge?

Sound stupid? It’s not. R.A.K. (Random Acts of Kindness) creates the opposite result of R.A.V.  

Now for some tougher questions:
  • Are we looking at our kids with honest eyes; they're good when they’re good-give them credit, but if they’ve displayed behavior that’s bad (and maybe seems unnatural) how do we respond and prevent negative progression? 

We must pay attention, and be honest with ourselves-seek truth and guidance.



  • Are we getting help for things we don't understand (even if that means telling friends and family, or speaking to someone in the mental health profession)?

We must not be afraid, but be courageous (the end goal is health, happiness, safety).
  • Do we set boundaries and use discipline? 
Kids undisciplined aren’t sure of the rules, and often won’t follow them even if given later in life.

  • Are we emotionally intelligent in our parenting?
Are we tending to all our children's needs? Disciplining with love and tenderness?



  • Are we engaging in concrete (and correct) parent/child communication?

Are we asking questions, seeking love before judgment? 



  • Are our children healthy: physically (eating/exercising) and mentally (treated well/loved)?

Are we healthy ourselves?

Or…
…are we scared?
Afraid of being labeled, judged? Are we afraid of our kids being labeled or judged? Are we petrified of what we might have to face? Are we doing parenting wrong, but don’t know it?
If left unaddressed, we may be running a 50% chance of becoming part of the problem.
We don’t know until we ask the questions and try hard to find the answers.

 I’ll be every single parent (or at least 99.9999%) would say, ‘I had no idea my child could be capable of such a thing’. Whether the child was a teenager or grown adult, it’s a shock that leaves 
the looming question: 
WHY?

Please comment (or email) with your thoughts. 
Sign up to follow this blog as we ask more questions.

The next Question at the top of the list? 
Violent Media: Games, Music & More 




Popular posts from this blog

Back to School Anxiety: Bullying

Image
Download “School Boy Being Stressed” by David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net I recently wrote about how to help your child if they’re struggling with going back to school because they were bullied. My biggest most important tip was to listen, because I honestly could not write a ‘How-to-make-them-not-afraid’ column. Frankly I thought that was absurd. Fear is sometimes real. Anxiety is sometimes truly there, and for a good reason. Our job as parents isn’t to try to make it go away, it’s to try to find out the true source of those worrisome feelings. If you’d like to read more, click here. And if you’re child is struggling to find excitement about the new school year, don’t deny it, just accept it and move forward gently. Here’s some more on bullying: Family Matters Links: A Touching Story/Song Bullying: A thing of the past A Peace Poem By My Teenage Daughter A Deeper Insight into My Thoughts on People Who Bring Harm to Others Other Links: Stop Bul
Read more

Would You Rather?

Image
My kids like to play a game called ‘Would You Rather?’. I’ve always liked getting in on the fun because they usually freak out when it’s my turn to ask, ‘Would you rather?’. I will ask, ‘Would you rather…have to go to school for 365 days a year, or go without television forever?’  Or when I say, ‘Would you rather eat broccoli at every meal, or spinach?’. It’s fun to watch them squirm. Now here is one for parent’s. School shopping is finally coming to a halt (thank goodness) and there are a few items on the market that I want you to see (if you haven’t already gasped at them yourself). They are: JCPenney’s (recently controversial) Shirt for Girls: JCPenney And the 'Eye Candy' (yes, it says Eye Candy on it-actually ALL over it) notebook that I hear no one talking about and which is selling at Walmart: So, hear it goes…. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Antie….etc….. 'Would you rather ' have your teen (or younger) daughter wear the ‘too pretty for math’ shirt?        O
Read more

Good Customer Service At Home

Image
Over the years, my careers have mainly been customer service based. I started in a family business and then moved on up through the rungs from waitress, to hostess, to sales associate, manager and eventually the GM of a hotel. In all my years, my training taught me that you should always do your best to take your customer all the way to what they need, make them happy, and never leave them until they are done with you. I pride myself on my customer service abilities. Though the other day, I think I failed at customer service in my own home! I was getting ready to cut my daughter's hair and because of how long it had gotten (she's been growing it out for a year!) I felt this time it would be best  if instead of me spritzing it with water, she could wash and condition it real quick. She was fully clothed so I just suggested she run into the bathroom and wash her hair in the tub. She’s fourteen. I suppose I just assumed that she knew how to kneel over the tub and do it.
Read more